Dealing With A Child Involved With Drugs

Their minds raced from one confused thought to the next. But there was one thing that seemed certain.

Their daughter was a marijuana smoker - she had smoked at least once, anyway. According to the principle who had just called, Peg had been caught smoking marijuana in the washroom at school.

Tom and Helen had both grown up in Newfoundland at a time when drugs like marijuana were virtually unheard of. Now they had to deal with this. Their feelings jumped from anger and hurt to concern for Peg...

With the variety of drugs used in our society today, it may not come as a surprise that many young people experiment with alcohol or other drugs. It may be easy enough to accept that as a fact - until it's your child.

When parents become suspicious or convinced of drug use on the part of their child, panic or anger is often the first reaction. However, as difficult as it may be, parents in this situation need to wait and deal with the situation when they are in control of their emotions.

At this point it is important to understand that, while many teenagers experiment with alcohol or other drugs, most do not go beyond this stage. They may decide that drinking or using other drugs is not for them. Some of those who continue to use drugs may not experience problems at the time (more harmful use in the future is certainly possible). However, some of these young people may begin to use drugs to help cope with their lives.

Parents faced with this situation must realize that while some levels of use are more harmful than others, all drug use involves risk. This is particularly so for young people who experience the stress of physical, emotional and social change in their lives.

Suggestions can be given on how to deal with a drug problem but they may not exactly fit for everyone. However, there are ways of dealing with a child's drug use that have proven helpful.

Concerns like "what will our friends think" need to be dealt with separately from concerns for the young person. If parents are worried for their child, these feelings should be communicated to the child. Let the teenager know:

• that you know about his/her drug use.
• how you feel about it.
• why you feel that way.

It will not be very helpful to dwell on past deeds. Discussing appropriate future bevaviors will be more useful. Determine with the young person what behaviors are not acceptable. For example, the teenager is not allowed out after 10:30 on week nights. An important aspect of setting limits is the manner in which consequences are applied. To be effective, consequences should be agreed upon beforehand and they need to be realistic and enforceable. They work best when they're related to the misbehavior in a logical way. For example, the consequence of driving while impaired might logically be the loss of driving privleges. Careful thought should be given to setting these limits and enforcing them, because the process can help to return control of the home to where it belongs - the parents. Parents should not allow the drug use or any resulting conflict to pull the rest of the family down.

One helpful way of reducing the conflict that can occur (particularly when enforcing the consequences of unacceptable behavior) is to detach or withdraw from the fighting. For example,
Son: If you don't start easing up on the rules around here, I'm leaving.

Parent: Really. When parents withdraw from conflict in this way, the young person has fewer people to blame for his/her problems. This kind of detachment also sets the climate for a more "normal" family routine, signalling the fact that you are not going to allow the child's behavior to ruin life for the rest of the family.

If family life is being hurt by on-going problems as a result of drug use, it may be necessary to seek assistance. It is often very helpful to simply share the problem with your doctor, a family counsellor, a member of the clergy, or a friend. Counselling assistance for drug problems is also available from the ADDC office nearest you.